Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

and memories of emotions from the past

Sometimes this Substack is just gonna be me trying to be wistful and poetic, so bare with me, because this is just where I am this week.

I love Rilo Kiley. I’d put them in my top 10 bands from my lifetime list.

Jenny Lewis was an early crush, because of The Wizard and Troop Beverly Hills, which both came out in 1989, the year I was born. The other guy, Blake Sennett, I remember from Boy Meets World, and I still do an impression of his sniveling henchman character whenever I play one in improv scenes.

Their first album Under the Blacklight was very important to me in late high school/early college. The first track, Silver Lining, is my favorite song from the album. I would listen to just this song on loop, for days at a time, until I exhausted my enjoyment of it. I’m kind of blown away it hasn’t been used in a movie soundtrack, or at least I can’t think of one that needle drops to the end credits.

I was in a car driving back home from my best friend’s wedding. I was with other friends in attendance, and Silver Lining came on in the car. It was the first time I had heard it in years. I’ve been listening to it since yesterday.

It’s a song that conjures up a lot of different emotions and memories. Memories of crushes and lovers, who are no longer in my life anymore. Emotions I was convinced had evaporated from my body. The hope that I can experience these feelings again, and the hope that this song will guide me to the person with whom I’m supposed to share new memories. It’s like trying to light sparklers over an open campfire. It hurts to be so close to the heat, but you want to set off the beautiful sparks. When you love a song that much, and you listen to it ever and over again, the worst part is that the song gets shorter every time you hear it, because you know it so well now. I’ve lived more of a full ass life, since the first time I heard this song in 2007.

Here’s a random assortment of romantic memories I’ve been lucky enough to share with others, that this song has triggered in me within the last 24 hours;

• Walking hand in hand through a bird sanctuary on a hot summer day.

• Nothing but moonlight and the flickering of fireflies illuminating a lake on a warm autumn night.

• Slow dancing in a strange hotel room because there was a blackout in the town where we were staying.

• Seeing Sideshow by the Seashore at Coney Island, and talk about seriously taking “blockhead classes.”

• Watching “The Great Rupert” on Christmas day.

• Wandering through Staten Island in the rain looking for a Sri-Lankan restaurant they had read about in Time Out NY.

• Watching Watership Down twice in one night, and then again the next day.

• A first kiss under a neon sign “Best Hot Dogs in NYC” sign.

• Watching all of Twin Peaks on my couch in one weekend under a blanket they brought over.

None of these moments, or the people involved are even connected to Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley. The song never popped up at the time. It just reminded me that I had them and I can only hope I have new ones.

It’s wild that music can have that kind of effect on your psyche.