I love writing stories. I love making silly, weird, kind of creepy videos. These are things that revitalize me, giving me life affirming energy. A reason to go forward.
This week I’m sharing the first part of a short story I wrote in the early days of lockdown and a video that I made very last minute for a show I couldn’t make.
Greet the Dawn - Part 1
Rabbi Joseph Straub is a Vampire. Look, my name is Jake Rubinstein and I know that might sound crazy, so let me start from the beginning so you can get the full picture.
Yeshiva University High School for Boys is located on 186th Street and Amsterdam Avenue, in the neighborhood of Manhattan known as Washington Heights. I’m a freshman, but I skipped 8th grade, so I’m the youngest kid in my class, which makes me a target. Oh, and I also started the Cinema Club, which is just me and my two friends Seth Zeiss and Avi Waxman. This also makes me a target. Imagine having the nerve to skip a grade and immediately start a club right out of the gate like you own the place.
A day in Yeshiva is divided into two parts; Judaica Studies in the morning, and secular studies in the afternoon. The morning starts with prayer services, called Shacharit (Hebrew for greeting the dawn) at 7:00am, then breakfast at 8, Torah Law (otherwise known as Gemmarah and Mishnah) classes from 9-12, which is always taught by Rabbi Straub. Then, my favorite subject, lunch from 12-1, afternoon prayers from 1-1:30, then Math, Science, History, Chemistry, English and Gym between 1:30-6:30 at night, and then you guessed it… evening prayers. Then, as president of the Cinema club, I have the honor of putting away the ancient-as-all-hell equipment back into the Audio-Visual Closet. We’re talking about a 1989 Magnavox RF1335 with a VCR built in. That takes about another hour.
Oh I also live on my dad’s house boat in Coney Island, so that means I have to travel an hour and 20 minutes by subway (or as I call it, “the Warriors route”) every day, both ways. Why does my dad live on a houseboat? Well, because after he and my mom split up, she went to travel around with a Jewish missionary group called Gateways that try to convert people to Judaism in rural Idaho or something. Ever since then, my dad hasn't been crazy about “land”, so here we are at home sweet home, Slip A7 on Pier 31.
Why do I bring up my dad? Not because I’m trying to repress something. No, I bring up my dad, because my dad also went to Yeshiva University High School, and his Mishna and Gemara teacher was Rabbi Joseph Straub. Now I know you’re thinking, “but if rabbi Straub is a Vampire, how can he teach morning classes?” and I’m gonna get there, trust me. I know it’s not inherently weird for multiple generations to have the same teacher. Even if my grandfather had had Rabbi Straub as a Mishna teacher, instead of escaping persecution in Soviet Russia, it still wouldn’t be weird.
GET THIS THOUGH; My dad’s boss Wayne Bromberg also went to YUHSB. Wayne graduated in 1952, and he had Rabbi Straub for Talmudic studies. Wayne’s dad, Jacamo Bromberg, another YUHSB Alum, who graduated in 1928 also had him!!! How is no one calling it out at this point? It’s also not like he looks different. I’ve seen the photos! He looks exactly the same! So, remember when I started off by saying that Rabbi Straub was a Vampire, and then said he teaches me in the morning? Let me tell you what the good Rabbi looks like; Rabbi Joseph Straub stands at, conservatively, 6ft 11 inches. His long, coarse, dark beard went down to just below his knees, and slightly curled up at the end. He dressed more like Rasputin, than a Rabbi in 2003.
He wears the large round fur brimmed hats worn by the Lubavitch Jews in Brooklyn, with dark sunglasses over his eyes. His long black coat was more of a robe that stretched down to the floor. Remember when I said Shacharit meant “Greet the Dawn?” Well, even though Rabbi Straub is up and walking around during the day, good luck finding him anywhere near a window. Garlic, coffins, no reflection, these I can’t say if they have any effect on him. What I do know; Rabbi Straub is at least 150 years old, and hates sunlight to the point of protecting himself enough to look like a trusted advisor of THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS SATAN HIMSELF!